UNCLE!

I am done. I cannot take it anymore. I give up. No more courting a specific sports team(s). Tonight did it for me, actually this whole Cavs playoff run has done it for me. The Cavs have the best player in the league, having the best statistical playoffs ever and they still lose. My hopes were high and I foolishly thought that I would see a Cleveland team, a team that I rooted for, win a championship. Let me give you three reasons why I am done with sport relationships.

1. Cleveland Indians - once again, they suck. I thought Eric Wedge was a good manager and would keep them in yearly contention. I thought Grady Sizemore would be the best player in baseball. I thought Fausto Carmona was going to be an amazing pitcher. I thought the Tribe would be relevant for years to come. It appears as though I was wrong.

2. Clevand Browns - once again, they are a mess. Mangini seems to enjoy irritating his players and alienating himself from normal societal relations. We have a Pro-Bowl quarterback who may actually not be a Pro-Bowl quarterback, a first-round quarterback who seems to be better at modeling than throwing a football and a record setting wide receiver who can no longer catch the ball. Put those three together and you have an offense that has not scored a touchdown since before we had a Black man as President. Historic.

3. Cleveland Cavaliers - this is the one that really confuses me. You have an owner who seems to know what he is doing and doesn't stick his nose in everyone's business. A head coach who has been nothing but professional and the '08-'09 Coach of the Year. The best player in the league, the MVP and who is ONLY 24 YEARS OLD. You have a general manager who signed the best coach, the best player and has done a fabulous job at surrounding James with talent. Yet, they still lose. And don't tell me that they didn't match up well against Orlando. Are you telling me that Trevor Ariza, Lamar Odom and Paul Gasol (Laker's supporting cast) are that much better than Mo Williams, Delonte West and The Big Russian? Shoestrings are smarter than Odom and Gasol is nothing more than a big Spanish model.

The only commonality these three teams share is that they are from Cleveland. This has to be the answer. I cannot think of any other sports city in the United States that has gone this long without a championship. Not Chicago, New York, Detroit, Denver, Miami, Los Angeles, Dallas, Boston or even Indianapolis. For some reason, Cleveland is the most pathetic sports town ever. Pehaps it's because the good people of Cuyahoga County continue to elect Dennis Kucinich to public office. Maybe God is angry because they set the river on fire. The reason has to be something from the spirit world. Like a curse or demon possesion. There really is no logical reason for this to happen. By now, one team would have had to have won a championship. Even the Marlins have won two World Series titles.

I am done as a Cleveland fan. I will still watch baseball, football and basketball, but I will do it as sports monk - no emotional or romantic relationship with a sports team. None. I was watching the hockey game tonight and actually enjoyed just watching the game with no emotional investment. I was just watching a game and then turned the channel. This has to be better than being a Cleveland sports fan.

I hear the objections now; "When they finally do win, you will jump back on the bandwagon or wish you would still be a fan." I have thought about this and completely disagree. My life will not improve that much if a Cleveland team wins a title. My life will be better as a nominal, non-committed watcher of sports than a terminally ill fan of Cleveland sports. I'm just better off without going through the heartache and stress.

I cannot just switch to another city like the jerk in high school who jumps from one girl to the next. What do I know about Boston sports? Why should I care if Pittsburgh wins? It's cheating on Cleveland if I switch to another city. At least by breaking up with Cleveland I can have integrity in knowing that I am not chasing the hottie of the day. See, cheering for a team is a relationship. You put time, money and emotion into making it work. It's ridiculous, but yet addicting. You get wrapped up in the allure of the title and having the best team with the best players. You get angry at your partner, yell at your partner, weep over your partner only to get sucked back into the relationship when those fleeting moments of beauty happen.

For me, it's just not worth it anymore.